causes

i'm sure i've complained about this before but it kinda irritates me that people assume that i can't do anything to help myself, i think that's probably why they assume i have fredrick helping me. i remember when i used to live in burnsville, it didn't feel like people just assumed i needed help doing everything and fredrick helped me there too. i'm not sure if it's because i lived in a handicap-accessible apartment in burnsville- so everyone just naturally assumed i had adapted to my handicap because i had accomodations in the apartment (i had a roll-in shower and the bathroom was bigger than the one i have now, so i couldn't fall off my toilet right into my bath- which HAS happened to me before i think when i first started living here. my health alert was actually working at that time, so it started beeping when it censored i fell in the bath (i hit my head) and called 911 and they called the ambulance who checked on me and brought me to regions to check my head out). shit happens.. you adapt.. you shouldn't be sentenced to being a vulnerable, helpless person ALL your damn life. i'm only 39. not 60. don't make me more helpless than i am just to accomodate your carelessness and/or for your convenience when you can't even answer the fuckin phone when the emergency room calls you. you've made your sense of concern and care obvious. don't try to fuckin make it seem like you actually care when you CLEARLY DON'T. i'm not my mom. i don't play victim for attention. OH YOU DIDN'T KNOW? your ass better call somebody. this is how people get the sense that they belong in nursing homes when they're completely well enough to help theirselves but idiotic, careless relatives feel like it makes them look like they actually fucking care when they have their relatives go to courage kenny or some nursing home because BOTH are the same environments. handicap people or disabled people are fooled into thinking they need more help than they actually do- so they depend on cna's and pca's when they can actually help theirselves but it's more convenient for people to do everything for them- WELL THAT'S WHAT CARELESS RELATIVES WHO DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO THEM THINK BECAUSE OH!! THEY GOT THIS! i'm a human fucking being. i've went through more shit than you could ever think of or HANDLE YOURSELF.. don't act like you care because YOU DON'T. learn empathy. i'm younger than you and more empathetic than you'll ever be. just the fact that i have to explain this to you says ENOUGH. YOU GOT THIS! you're one of the biggest reasons why i'm moving. GREAT JOB! YOU'RE SO NAIVE THAT YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE ANY OF THE DAMAGE YOU AND MY MOM HAVE DONE TO ME. *YOU* GUYS ARE ONE OF THE BIGGEST REASONS WHY I HAVE PTSD. you're so smart though- you should recognize that! proof of that should be that i wasn't diagnosed with PTSD until AFTER at least 15 years AFTER the accident itself. they DID check for it NUMEROUS times when i first started going to gillette too. i remember having MANY evaluations when i first started going to gillette. then i had MORE problems with my bowel and i started having dreams which flashbacked of my mom holding me in front of my dad while he KICKED her and i also remember my grandma silently mentioning when i went in to children's hospital for my perforrated bowel that i had *ACCIDENTALLY* got kicked by my dad while my mom was turning to get away from him while i was in her arms.. my reminscing dreams remember a little differently- my grandma was trying to cover for my mom because i'm sure she knew what really happened. i can't even get away from this shit thanks to amanda's careless, selfish ass. YOU GOT THIS! A VULNERABLE ADULT WITH A TBI! do you realize how STUPID that sounds?! of course not, you lack empathy. that was probably one of the biggest reasons why i never really lived at my mom's house. i was always living at my grandparents' house. it felt more comforting.